I am feeling very saintly, my love of fruit and vegetables has been rekindled, and I am continuing with my fitness plans the key is slow and steady with the exercise. 15 mins daily last week (I know it' s  nothing but have to start somewhere lol) This week 20 mins daily, and I am going to do my yoga tape once too. My problem has always been trying to do everything at once, this time I will try and keep it regular.

It's a week since I started at the slimming club and its hard to note any difference. But I can say all the fruit I have been scoffing as opposed to the cakes, fish & chips and what is that stuff?? hmm chocolate. Has shown a marked difference is my skin, it is looking clear and healthy, very peachy looking :)

Yummy I am telling myself as I tuck into my melon, my walk is done, and the shopping. Gosh I can feel my halo shining brightly! Combining the two makes it easier, or so I though until coming home today with shopping bags, thinking isn't it a lovely autumn day. That was until the heavens opened. I arrived home dripping wet, asthmatic and pretty much like a bedraggled rat. Bit big to be a rat and I have no tail, but you know what I mean!

So this healthy lark is going good, too soon to be bored but I am determined to succeed anyway, the thought of spending another summer hidden under my coat is unbearable. Curvy and breathing is what I am aspiring to...

Aurora was her name, she lived in a place that she could finally call home. It wasn't built of brick nor of stone, its structure was built from elements both strange, and unknown. Surrounded by trees and animals, it was a land that was wild and free. She loved and lived- guided by something hidden, a dark mystery she was unable to see.

She lived alone with the stars and the sea, the sunlight her friend for eternity. Her eyes captivated though to her she couldn't see, for she lived encaptured, yet her soul roamed free. She was the known witch, the strange, the odd, anything beyond normality. So people usually avoided her and  generally left her be.

Aurora was the name she chose, she knew it was meant to be. Others called her by another, yet its meaning was still the same,  It didn't matter who was right, a name is a name that's all. It didn't make her who she was, or crown her for who she was to be. It was simply a title for others to make her belong, to be a part of their ruined society .

Friends and family, they loved her - but how could she know? Lost in a world of haze, enraptured in its deep and secret mystery. Unable to connect her mind roamed free, followed paths and star-ways mapped out within her erratic, brain activity. She was happy in her seclusion, sure that one day the secret would become known, and whatever guided her would become her own.

Magic had its hand upon her home, its splendor safe and secure in a world of harsh poverty. It kept her safe from harm, wrapped in broad wings and filled her with a quiet serenity. She sensed no danger and she knew no harm. The turn of the wheel of certainty became stuck, it's cause and reason unknown. She didn't feel the darkness yet that uncertainty could bring.

Those who did without, those who squandered what they had, looked for a cause to blame. The whispers became words, the volumn increased, the anger now enraged. They couldn't stand to see her lost within that place. It had to be full of riches! for it seemed that it gleamed with gold. surely it was theirs!  And so to themselves they made a plan.

To break the magic, curse her soul, and takes her riches for their own.

I seem to be having a regular theme lately in my blog. It seems to be a new lust of mine, I have an urge to shop. Usually I go alone, it's easier, it's selfish too in that I only have to think of my own needs. But today I took a friend, I have to say I have never been shopping with a lady/boy before and this event was something completely different for me.

Not only was the fact I went shopping with company new to me, but also the venue too. I went to an Ann Summers party. Nowadays everyone should know what one of those parties are. I was still a little naive though and assumed mostly that it would be underwear etc. I have no idea how my companion felt, because I didn't tell her/him.

The party was arranged by a friend of mine and she had finally convinced me to attend. It is easy to sneak, peep at sexual toys and sexy underwear online. No one can see what you are doing and if you shop, its still between you and the company you buy from, well maybe the postie too! But this time we walked into a room filled with rowdy women, not a single man had braved it. My poor friend, the only man there and certainly the only man wearing ladies underwear, under his clothes.

I almost balked and made a run for it, but free-flowing wine helped as I greedily gulped from the glass handed to me. For anonimity I will call my man friend Sissy, as it seems to be a usual boy/girl name. Sissy looked at me, i could see the look of fear that only a room full of bawdy women can bring to a lone man's eyes, and I said "don't you dare go, you are not leaving me here on my own" So we both sat amongst the other ladies and listened to the earthy comments from the women, and the night had only just begun.

The Ann Summers lady arrived, apologized to the full room for being late, she wasn't, we were all early. And so she began the evening's sale. The first thing to loosen inhibitions, well after the wine! was to rename us all. I became Busty Bertha and my man friend became Saucey Sissy.

The evening was so funny, i hadn't laughed so much in ages, the items to wear seemed tacky and outrageous, the other women all joined in with such gusto, I felt lacking that I couldn't respond as they had. Sissy didn't say much but I felt for him/her as his jacket was dragged from him and everyone could see what he/she wore under his shirt.

If I thought that was bad, I could not believe my eyes as she began to show us the toys, thankgod I had drunk enough alcohol to dampen just how embaressed i felt. I sat there holding  the biggest, blackest and alarmingly- realistic looking penis i had ever seen. We each had to model something! i almost choked as she said they come in different colours. Next i was handed a whip, where had i put my glass? there wasn't enough alcohol in the house to help me cope with this. So what could i do, but join in!

Well maybe the alcohol had worked because I said that I knew the perfect model for the skin tight, leopard -print catsuit, no not me silly, I said giggling madly, that Sissy would model it. Poor fella didn't know what had hit him/her as they dragged him into the other room to put the sexy wear on. Someone wrapped a boa around his/her neck, while I cracked the whip heartily.

The night descended into a hilarious, bawdy shopping spree, no one said anything about my lady/boy friend and what he had worn and what he was now wearing. But I did notice as I filled the form in from my purchase (no I'm not telling you what I bought lol) but I did see that Sissy's name was next to the leopard print catsuit, and a rather fetching pink babydoll nighty.

I have to confess when I first walked in the room, if I could have made my escape then I would have. But then I would have missed the best day's shopping in years. I am not sure if Sissy has forgiven me yet. I had told her/him it was to be a makeup/ dinner party, with one or two friends. I wonder has he forgiven me yet!

I have had enough of shoe, boots and bags for now and so my surfing took me to sunglasses. Yes I know summer is no longer with us, but I like them and they keep the headaches away. At last a great excuse for my shopping. Both cause me pain, one to my body, the other to my purse.

I found a wonderful site with tons of the things. Any name you care to drop and they are there, for fun I went to the big glasses tab and found these by Dior himself :) http://www.sunglasses-shop.co.uk/

They would stop anyone in their tracks, that's if they didn't fall over them with their size. They it seems are very trendy at the moment, but they did look kind of familiar.

And so while I was playing with my scanner, I found this photo of me in Wales about 1990, sporting a pair of huge glasses. (they were trendy then too) Amazingly they were kind of similar, but I bet mine didn't cost half the price, in fact probably not even a smidgeon of it.

I'm not sure if the idea of retro is scary when you remember the fashion the first time around, or maybe it is even the third time! 70's, 90's & now 06, heck now I feel old.

Hmm some things have stayed with me for ever though, such as black t-shirts and ponytails, and I actually have legs.

Now I realise that I am in danger of appearing to have a major shoe fetish but seriously there is a reason for why I have yet another shoe on my blog entry.

Honestly I do, it is to do with my plans for a new health regime that I am about to implement into my life-style. I braved the doc's and though my cholestral is high (7.5)

It is not a danger as such, not yet as long as I do the low-fat diet and exercise a wee bit. Easy peasy really, only I need to plan it out a bit more, so one more day and I will begin it.

Ha ha- well who really starts these things on a Monday! So it's one step at a time.

Slow start = sure to finish, and as I need to mentally prepare myself for the devastation of no more fish and chips, my fingers took me to Faith one again. Now I know it could be a tad boring, yet again more shoes! and no delightful skimpy jumpers, or pictures of delectable fellas.

I couldn't help but swoon at these gorgeous shoes, or shoe as there is only one :) they are just perfect for the dress I am going to pick, when I lose all those pounds, er stones lol. Then all I will need is the jewelry!

That's not me that I am describing, or maybe it is, a broken down, battered old nag with the realisation I can still be a healthy, hot, sexy, fit filly if I could only be bothered to get up of my backside and do something about it.

To any one who knows me, one of my most regular phrases is ' I am finally going on that diet and I am going to lose 10 stone and become athletic enough to be a competitor in the Olympics'

Ok I exaggerated. the Olympics fitness level will take another year :)

So this Monday I have an appointment at the docs, when you are told to call in and see the doc for a mere cholesterol test result, you know it's high! which means I can't hide anymore from the facts. I need to look at my health as you would for someone you loved, I know that if you treated anyone else as I treat myself, it would be termed abuse.

So erm no I won't say diet, I will say it's time to eat healthy and lowfat. But then I know, there is no point doing that if you don't move your body.

My asthma has increased a lot, it can only be the migraine med's, which means it effects my mobilty. So I thought why not try no migraine med's and see what happens? No side effects anymore, because I am fed up with the list they bring.

So my old nag of I am too fat, has become self-fulfilling. And I know now what has to be done. Watch this space!

I didn't know what category to put this in as it is a bit of everything. Today I am feeling good and was thinking of all the things I am loving at the moment.

Strickly Come Dancing- Cricketers! oh yes i am loving cricketers. they seem to have that certain something. Last year Darren Gough won, this year another man of wickets stole the opening show Mark Ramprakash. I do have a thing for cricketers though;)

Jane Eyre- Drama on TV. My Favourite book as a child brought to life. Romantic, suppressed passion, i am seriously loving it.

Rome, Spooks, Without a Trace, Rebus (anything with Ken Stott), wire in the blood, Lost

All the CSI's & Law and Order nothing to do with this fella from law & order-special victims unit http://www.five.TV/programmes/drama/lawandorder/

I think i am addicted to all these crime programmes. I am waiting for the new series of Sopranos and am watching  dvd's of Nip & Tuck & Sex and the City repeatedly.

My Book- P J Tracy Want to play ? Hide & Seek & Murder. Computers and a thriller what more do i need lol.

George Michael's new song "This Is Not Real Love"  ah such pain in a song. http://www.georgemichael.com/ & James Morrison's You give me something http://www.jamesmorrisonmusic.com/

Wonderful friends the world is a lonely, sad place without you :) , Cooler Weather, my Flat, My new Phone Samsung E350, and

my new Boots i got the Morgan Boots with 4 inch heels, they are difficult to walk in but i am getting there :)

It was more difficult getting a piccy of them than i thought, but here goes.

http://internetdump.com/users/jenny/home.htm Hmm i thought about whether to add this link, it has useful tips for walking in high heels, but then it also has erm shall we say more interestingly naughty links on it. I am not sure about the address of the link either what is the internet dump thing? but it takes you there.

And last of all i am loving ME at the moment! 

So here goes...

Woman seeks man to spoil her, to bring her diamonds and pearls, to bedeck her in finery and to remind her she lives... She seeks someone to be her lover and in doing so will be his loyal mistress. She wants no commitments, other than those agreed at the beginning of their journey. She seeks a man to spoil, to cossett and care for, to bring him a measure of what ever he desires. She will bedeck him in sexual pleasures, the like of which he has never known before.  If he desires to be her master she will submit, if he desires to be mastered then she will do so... Though, she seeks more than sexual conquests, more than mere sex...To ignite her fires, you must know more than physical touch. To laugh, to lust, to talk and to share dreams. To recognise romance without fear. If you seek the same please don't hesitate to get in touch, i look forward to hearing from you. Illicit and discrete.

*******************************************************************************************************************

She really didn't know why she posted the advert, but it was too late now, it was done. She really shouldn't have had that glass of wine. She smiled and thought to herself at least be honest, you mean the whole bottle of wine. Alcohol and computers did not mix.

THE REPLY

I was just beginning to think i had wrote the worse advert ever, when the ping of my email alert flashed bright and yellow, hmm i wondered, was it?  From an empty mailbox to the shock of 40 emails, no time to check them now i thought as i left the house for work.

 I read your advert with interest, if it takes diamonds & pearls to make you live again. Perhaps i am your man. A lover or mistress is who i seek, commitment i don't. I would be interested to make a contract with you. I am a man of deeds, less of words, though i would love to explore with you the journey you seek. Or ! tall, dark & handsome, lets connect.

It had got boring, if i wanted quick sex, i could take my pick. If i wanted love, i could even try those in spite of stressing i did not want a full relationship. This reply leapt out at me. I liked that he had tried to reply to my requests , but he had humour too, wasn't all the world populated with tall, dark, handsome men. I smiled and felt a flutter of excitement as i replied to his email...

In a place that was usually calm and serene the atmosphere was taut with suppressed tension. Three beings stood they formed a triangle and were communing without words. They formed a committee and were in the process of damning one of their own. They all shared the same vision though only two wanted to condemn the guilty wishmaker. It was terrible that one of their own had interfered so.

He had no idea that he had been discovered but then he didn't care either way. The feelings that shook his newly formed body, were so exciting. He was lost in emotions such as he had never known before. Stealing the human's essence had taken his purity and innocence and now he knew what it was like to feel love, happiness, hate, anger, rage and revenge. He had no sense of the loss he had carelessly thrown away.

In the house that once had sheltered a loving couple darkness now was complete. In a bed that once had been a place of tenderness and passion lay the couple, side by side untouching. They appeared to be sleeping but they were too still, no breathing to ruin the silence that captured them. A wife and a husband, two people caught in the trap of love, hate and revenge. A wife with a need so great she had risked everything on the whim of the moon-beings. A husband consumed with jealousy and hate, he had followed her that night, watching her as she made he wish to be with another man. To have him enslaved to her. The husband could have howled to the moon so great was his pain, she already had a slave in him. But he wasn't enough, his enslavement now tossed aside for her new whim. His wish now had nothing to do with love, he wanted revenge! The magic of ancient beings didn't allow for evil wishes and he had been refused. As his wife turned back to go to bed, he quickly made his way to their room and had affected a deep sleep.

The wish would have lasted one night only and life would have resumed in the house but for the desire of one wishmaker. His need to taste a little emotion had begun the process of corruption. The globe that contained the lovers had thinned and a husband's wish of hate had polluted it. The refusal of his wish was now granted as innocence poured from the wishmakers room.

The three Wishmakers now stared at a globe mis-shapen and indistinct. Another human joined the lovers, a group of three, they lay as one, their bodies merged. No sweet music played and no crystallite colours shimmered over them. They seemed to be forming a more solid lump as each second ticked by. It was too late for the three elders to intervene now. The time was set and complete the humans stuck in the wish of their making.

They would deal with their own and grant him his wish, he would keep the human form he so desired, the only evidence that he once was a higher-being was in his huge grey eyes. He would soon know what it was like to live and feel. There was nothing they could do to save the three humans, too much had happened, all they could do was cast the globe into the fires of eternity. As the scroll burned in the grate, so did any hope of returning to their original lives.

Far away in another house a woman cried in fear and pain as she tried to wake her lifeless husband. She had been the innocent in all this. She had no knowlegde her husband had had an affair, or that he had been dragged into the wishes of others. She cried, her heart torn from her as she searched in vain for a pulse that had long ago died. Distraught she thought for a brief moment of wishing him back to life, but she knew a man without his spark of life was just an empty vessel and so she reached for the telephone to ring an ambulance. The weight of widow-hood already descending on her shoulders.

The man who stood waiting for her had cruel eyes, his mouth smiled but no light reached his eyes, nothing to take away the chill of ice from those eyes. The set of his body tall and proud, to some he would have appeared handsome but to her the familiarity of those features was too familiar.

She couldn't withdraw now, she felt hemmed in and there was no sign of her lover, nor the cloak. She felt herself falling yet still her feet stood. A glimpse of madness called her, but she was already its friend. Was that really her voice repeating those vows and was it his that answered her. She had once loved this man beside her, in another life she still did. But she couldn't escape from this feeling of fear, this sense that seemed to tell her to flee. But now he was putting the ring on her finger and she was placing one on his.

No one else spoke no other sound could be heard but the priest before them and the sound of theirs in reply. The man she had just married pulled her to him and kissed her, so hard it bruised her lips. It spoke of possession, of master and slave, only now she was the slave. And the man who was now her master was her husband from her real life. His face spoke of knowledge, his eyes showed revenge.

She shrunk within herself, why had she given up? She wished now with all her heart to be back, to somehow undo the wish she had made that night on the new full moon. But she had no idea the time, or where they were. She was lost in the time span that had passed.

They walked down the length of the room, her new husband whispered to her

" you will love this"

No time to ask what, or infact to ask anything, he led her from the room. His hand on her arm strong, his fingers biting into her arm. In the hall he dragged her along its passageways.

"For your wedding present, I give you your greatest wish"  his voice asked no reply and she was beyond asking.

Finally they were in what appeared to be a dungeon, its walls filled with strange contraptions that still held blood from past victims. It had turned into her worse nightmare, picked from the gory images that her brain had absorbed from books and films, made real before her.

 A huge fire burned and feeding its flames was her cloak. The man before it handed something to her new husband. He handed it to her,

 "i believe this is yours?"

He didn't wait for an answer, as her hand reached for the scroll, he threw it into the flames. He stood and watched her face as the flames hungrily consumed the precious scroll. It would have been futile to have tried to save it.

Her body slumped, how did he know? But he wasn't finished yet.

"Now to your slave"

He pulled her into another room, her lover lay strapped to a table. His mouth gagged, his eyes fear driven as they found hers. A guard now held her and another now took her other arm. She was immobolised, unable to break free.

"Slaves that rebel, slaves that do not know their place have to be made to know it"

He picked up a sharp primitive looking object. Then moved to the man who lay strapped to the table. He stared at him for a long time, his eyes then moving to her.

"Bring her closer" was all he said.

She was dragged nearer, as he placed the object on her lover's forehead he began to struggle, but the straps held him firm. His head couldn't move but his eyes moved with the man who walked around to the back of him. He couldn't see him then, but fear had robbed him of any dignity and so he screamed against the gag. As the instrument was once again placed on the captive's head, she screamed too

"noooooooooooo please god noooooo" She struggled madly hoping for something to save them.  But her wishes had been all used up.

Her new husband then swiftly labotomised her lover. Thankfully he passed out from the pain, but medical help wouldn't allow him to die. She fainted and was brought back by a cold drenching. Her veil lay fallen on the floor, the water dripped from her face, her clothes sodden. The guards released her. Only for her husband to reclaim her. He must have had a moment of compassion then as he looked into her eyes, tracing his finger down her face, he appeared almost sorry for what he had done, but compassion wasn't part of this husband's emotions.

"Bring her something, she is no good to me like that" A woman handed her a goblet with a similar looking red liquid in it. She just stared at the man on the table, now that no one held her she went to move towards the table. Too shocked she hadn't cried yet, now as she was stopped from even touching her lover, while he was untied and moved somewhere else. She collapsed to her knees, then to the floor, huge sobs wracked her body, tears surely enough for her to drown in.

No fight left in her now, she didn't resist as the woman held the goblet to her mouth and told her to drink...