Omphale and Heracles (Hercules)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Omphale

How the mighty can fall, It seemed that Heracles had been a bad boy and a little mad. In murdering Iphitus his supposed best friend, by throwing him over the city wall, he angered the greater powers that be. And by the Oracles command was sold into servitude, by auction to Omphale, a queen in her own right.

Hard to believe this macho hero of the gods was then forced to dress as a woman. She made him dress as a woman and carry her parasol, and Omphale began to wear his clothes, swaggering in tiger skins and wearing the skin of the Nemean Lion, (guess ladies have always liked fur! thank goodness nowadays for good fake fur), she even carried his olive wood club! (That's girl power for you)

Poor old Heracles was even made to do woman's work and hold the wool while Omphale and her maidens did their spinning. That must have made work interesting, hunky hero holds your wool, while trying the latest fashions on for you.

It was bound to happen, damned if Omphale and Heracles didn't go and fall in love.

One day while having a siesta in the forest, Pan appeared. He had always lusted after Omphale, sometimes lust can get the better of even gods, unable to control himself, Pan on seeing the sexy lingerie on show, took a flying leap on the person wearing it, only to discover a very angry Heracles! 

I'm not sure why he was so angry with poor old Pan, he was supposed to be partial to male or female sexual partners. Maybe it was the goat-like attributes he possessed that was a turn off to Heracles. Or it could just be that his manhood was threatened, in that Pan had thought him a woman!

Omphale eventually freed Heracles and they married and had babies. Aw how sweet, well how could she resist him, macho, manly, into fun and games and a hero to boot! what more could a gal want. Wonder if anyone told her about his insanity problem? And he wasn't supposed to be known for his keen intellect either. But love is love and when that arrow hits, there's no controlling its direction, be you a mere mortal or a god.

Have you ever felt at peace, so at peace that you could sit and not want or need anything else? I didn't know what to say or how to answer him. He was all questions and his thoughts were deep. While I just wanted to laugh, to enjoy the time spent here. But tonight he wouldn't let me avoid the question.

He brought my face to his and I wanted to melt, his breath against my face, made my body want to respond in ways that my mind didn't. But no matter how I tried to tease him, to take his mind onto more physical thoughts, he resisted me.
I sighed, looked at him, blue eyes looked at me, so intense, more than colour, his soul shone deep within them. Touching his face with one hand, I wanted to memorise every part of him, to know him deep.

We had two hours left, and it didn't look like we were going to get intimate physically. Desperate I thought, I had better answer him, lest we sit here like this for ever.
Putting distance between us, I glanced at the walls, and then the fireplace, then the ceiling. Anything to stop me looking at him. He sat there, waiting and looking so serious. My powers of seduction hadn't even dented his armour tonight.
Placing my hands around my knees, I shuffled into a comfortable position and tried to think.
Hmm peace, have I ever felt at peace? My mind scrambled over and under the question, frantic in its searching. But I couldn't ever remember feeling like that, except maybe in my dreams! But then, if you do not know your dreams, can it be said you are at peace?
So I repeated my thoughts to him. And smiled with what I hoped was a sexy look. He just looked at me, did I see pity in his eyes?
This was turning into something far too serious, and I just wanted to play!

I lay down on the floor, head resting on my arm, face towards the fire. It was one of those living flame ones, you could watch the fire dancing, yet know gas fed its spirit, not coal or wood. But you still could imagine it was real.

"I'm sorry, ive spoilt the mood now, forget what I asked you" He broke the awkward moment with his words. His hands played through my hair. His touch sensual yet, reassuring.
But I couldn't stop thinking now, my mind trying to answer what he had asked, and was it so bad that I didn't know what peace was.

His question now hung between us. I felt the words growing, morphing into something so huge. that I felt it would suffocate me.

"What about you? have you ever felt that way?" I asked him, breaking the silence that now hung between us.

"Yes I have" as he spoke his fingers carried on stroking my hair. One hand, then the other, gently finding their way through my hair. "both spiritually and during moments such as now"

The solution, so simple, the answer so ordinary. Yet this moment now was momentous in its effect.
I had thought he wanted my body, wanted the fun I brought to his life, how I delighted in making him laugh. If I was sexual, wouldn't that bind him to me? wouldn't it bind me to him?
Tears filled my eyes, and I was so glad he couldn't see me. One found its way inspite of me biting my lip hard. I felt its slow trace down my face.

The walls encasing me began to shatter, began to crumble. Looking into the fire, an urge to burn the water from my eyes, I noticed his reflection in the metal surround. He had been watching me and I hadn't known. He must have seen the battle fought with in me. Must have known the moment my facade cracked. I felt naked. Not nude, but truly naked. His hands just carried on, he didn't speak and I lay there in silence.
My body , my mind relaxed, tears did burn away and I finally relaxed. I felt each shiver from the touch of his hands, its effect snapping wires of tension. Melting the ice around my heart. 

For the next two hours, we lay there, just breathing. I think I must have dozed at one point, then brought back into awareness. The clock chimed, each chime bringing us nearer to the moment when we would have to move. Usually I threw my clothes back on, impatient to be away. I feared and hated the end of our meetings, and so I rushed towards them.
For the first time, I wanted to stay there, every bone and nerve in my body relaxed, my mind at peace. Now I knew what it was like to be at peace, not to need or want anything else.

I haven't mentioned books for a while but it doesn't mean I have not been reading. It is probably because the book is good, but it's just another book. I did however read Zelda's Cut by Philippa Gregory. It was fascinating and had me held from the beginning.

It was about a female writer, trapped by a need to be the good woman she has always been, crippled with secret debt & also her reputation as a literary writer. With the help of her agent, they create Zelda the author, who writes a blockbuster. She assumes Zelda's identity & experiences life through her eyes. Her agent becomes fascinated about the person that is Zelda, and so the lines about identity are explored and crossed.

It was great in that it looks at the masks that we wear in order to be the person we are, they keep us safe. When you don another mask, can it make you into a whole other persona and allow you to think about the things we would love to experience, but would never dare try. Even go so far as to dip a toe in the things considered to be taboo.

I found it interesting that by wearing a different face, it could also allow you to cross gender barriers. But I won't say any more, in case anyone has an urge to read it. And I loved the end :)

I have read quite a lot of Philippa Gregory's books, she allows her women to be strong and capable, yet vulnerable too.

I was a little bored this afternoon, inspiration seemed to have deserted me in my writing and so i began to play around with the Virtual Hairstyle Gallery. As you can see you upload your piccy to the site. Then you pick the style, colour length etc. Add sunglasses or hats if you like.

http://www.ukhairdressers.com/hair_move/virtual_ha...

This is my blonde bombshell look... 

Great fun and i didn't even get to the makeup part! Though a friend did say i looked like a tart in the long blonde hair, cheek!

pg 1: From the dizzy heights of euphoria I tumble back down to depths of sorrow. No not quite sorrow, but a sadness that fills me, until I feel I could disintegrate with it all. I wonder what it would be like to just live on an even keel, no tipping into extremes of emotion. But then I wouldn't have tasted of those delights.

I am half in mind to tell you of them. If I put it down in words will it bring those feelings back, memory is a wonderful thing...

It began as most days, routine and chores mapped out, would I do them? or not! I decided not to, to change the day and turn Tuesday into Friday. I put on clothes that made me feel good and blowdried my hair, I took out the shoes I wear for 'best' and a complete and utter extravagance, I rang a taxi.

Town was busy but not manically so. People were working, children at school, so it was actually fairly quiet. I knew you would be at that place, at that time, and so I positioned myself where you couldn't miss me. I have to say the look on your face as you walked in was a picture, I however contemplated my coffee. Stirring the frothy milk slowly, with what I hoped was a far away expression on my face; I though was most definitely in the moment!

He hesitated, I felt his quandary, this was the middle of town and he was known here. I will never know if he would have backed out and pretended not to have seen me. But I couldn't stand it any longer. I looked up, our eyes locked, for a moment neither of us moved. Heart beats suspended, breath held. Then I smiled, he never could resist that. I glanced at the table beside me, so small these modern coffee shops, that we could have been on the same table.

It seemed as though he stood forever there in the doorway, but other customers made his mind up. Caffeine hungry people need sating. So he went and bought an ordinary coffee for him, and a latte for me. He sat beside me, the gap between the tables no distance. "Your latte looks cold, skinny with no sugar." He knew me too well.

I had my hand on the seat holding my handbag, his fingers found mine. I almost burnt my mouth on the shockingly hot drink. But I barely noticed.

" Why did you come? " his face looked anguished. The pain real. I wanted to devour his face, his body, yet all he could do was ask why I was there.

"If you need to ask, then I obviously made a mistake" I answered. I could feel tears threatening at the back of my eyes.

"I know, but don't you know this is torture" he took his hand away as someone walked in who he obviously knew.

I took a piece of notepaper and a pen. I wrote the name of the hotel I was staying at and my room number. I placed it in his hand that had crept back to mine. Then I picked my things up and walked out of the cafe. I didn't look back.

I now sat in the hotel's garden, an hour had passed and he hadn't telephoned nor was he here. It was an expensive hotel, frankly I couldn't afford it but I wanted my fantasy fulfilled. So I had a swish room with four-poster bed, not very imaginative I know. But sometimes dreams weren't.

I had it all wrong, I now knew. I should never have come to his home town, and tried to push him into being with me. But bittersweet is usually the other way round. The sweet first, then the bitter! It was a beautiful day, but the gorgeous grounds were lost on me. I knew I couldn't stay here, in this place and not have know my dream. And so I made the decision, I would return home.

I felt him before I saw him, the kind of connection we have is strong in that way. But I hardly dared to turn around. His hands on my shoulders, lifting my hair, he placed a single kiss on the nape of my neck. Then he was there beside me.

We spent the day and evening together, he even took me back to my room. He lay beside me as I lay down, but we didn't make love. He held me all night and we slept spoonlike, our bodies so close as to be one. I felt a need for him, he did for me, it's more difficult for men to hide! We had breakfast and he showed me his town, this time he didn't hide from holding my hand.

Now I sat on the train going home, he was right. he once said " if we meet, and we make love, how can we return to our old way of life?" And so we both in a way felt that we hadn't actually done anything wrong. We hadn't been unfaithful. I shoved to the back of my mind, that had been done along time ago. The day we first said hi in a message box, on a computer screen.

PG 2: I walked on air, the world was tinted with a rosy hue, violins could be heard. My mind was filled with romance and a sweet air of happiness hovered around me. I had one night to get myself back under control. For now I smiled like a lunatic, eyes blazed with the secret of my day and night.

Now I sat in my empty house, I needed no stimulant to calm me, but I sat drinking tea. My appetite seemed to have flown, if I didn't know better, I would have sworn I was 15 again and had been hit with cupids arrow. But I was a grown woman with the dizzy hit of love-sickness. It was a good job I was alone until tomorrow, because I wanted to savour every single moment, with no distractions- like a husband!

To any one who has chatted and felt feelings grow for the person at the other screen, this was all too familiar, but then so were the broken hearts. The pain was no less, just because you conversed and carried a relationship out by the use of technology. The ultimate conclusion is the meet. The date. It has the power to make or break a net relationship. It is a risk, for many reasons, but when love taps at your heart, the risk is disillusionment.

Now as I switched my PC on, I could read, hear and for the first time, truly feel what was said. Thinking back to the meet, I was amazed at my strength that I hadn't physically seduced him, and deep down I was in a way pleased. Instead of lust filling my mind of our meeting, it was so much more, and yes I would feel guilt, but not tonight. Tonight I relived every single word spoken, every touch, every exquisite detail, to be processed in my mind, one more night before I had to wear the brand of adulteress even time I looked at the face of my husband.

The screen came to life, it took me minutes to connect to my messenger, I tried not to be impatient even opened my emails first. But when I saw your name flash on my messenger list, I forgot everything. I waited to see, and sure enough you said 'hi', and for that night we did what we hadn't done in that wonderful hotel room. Now I could feel the written words enter my body and felt them become a sensation of reality.

PG 3: My computer was on but I wasn't with you. You had gone away for a short while, the sane part of me believed you when you said you had to work. The other part dreamed all kinds of reasons why you didn't come for our usual chat, each one more outlandish with the images I gave it. Where you bored with me?Maybe I had taken a step too far in confronting you? Had You found someone else? By the time I finished I had driven myself insane with jealousy. But I couldn't not be here, just in case...

Suddenly my screen flashed with a new message box.

"hi are you busy, would you like to chat?"

It is strange how a few words can set you wondering, but I wasn't in any mood to be chatty, so I just ignored it. Very rude of me I know, but at that moment I didn't care.

"ok sorry to have bothered you, guess yr busy"

Oh someone with manners, how unique I thought, my fingers itched with sarcasm but I held back, maybe just maybe he would be nice, maybe he would break the spell.

"Hi to you too, no I am not busy" I pressed the enter key and so a new conversation began, with a new person. The mystery, the game that was played out on the net, on millions of PC's would begin again.

There were people that you liked from the first chat or email, others you wondered about, but had a strange feeling about. And those that terrified you, it is an instinct that is honed the more you chat. But then there were those who bored you, whether it is a personality thing, or just a lack of word skills I don't know, but it does give you a picture, albeit a very sketchy one of the person you are connected with. This person that I chatted to now, caused my hackles to rise, somewhere my instincts were shouting at me, to close him down and never talk to him again.

That day I allowed my feelings to over-rule what I knew deep down inside. All because I allowed my feelings for one man to wipe out my usual caution.

pg4: Time had passed and I hadn't heard from you, this was usual we didn't email so much nowadays, and I had never doubted you during your absences before. But because I had expected things to change, to move somehow forward from our meet, the lack of contact with you fed my insecurities until I believed you had vanished from my life.

I had never felt so low, I couldn't believe the feelings of loss at your absence. My problem was that I still connected to the place we would usually meet, while you I knew had distractions, and your life followed new and interesting paths. It was like sitting in the pub, seeing the corner that we both sat in, recalling all those intimate moments, all the laughs everything that a relationship brings. Now that corner was filled with others and the emptiness in my heart was endless.

I began to talk more and more to the newcomer, I damped down any fears, or feelings of uneasiness. My whole world was filled with you, it swamped my mind causing my usual intuition at spotting nutters to fail. In a strange way I began to enjoy the thrill of the chats with this man. He was intense and dominant, he was jealous if I wasn't there, and constantly questioned what I had been doing. He traced me through my Internet activities. Knew when I'd added to my blog, knew what rooms I had been in. His intelligence was astounding, his ability to pull things from me amazing. In a few weeks he knew more about me than people I had chatted to for years. I craved his intensity, for it removed the longing for you.

I had heard of destructive relationships, family members had experienced them, but not me personally. This intense but charming man drew never-ending circles around me, it seemed as though I pulsed with a strange vibrancy when we chatted, his emails were electric. Oddly enough he never mentioned sex. Perhaps this is what kept me fascinated with him. I knew how to deal with sexual predators, this was a whole new game to me. It kept me from feelings of love and loss.pg5: It was now the longest time that I hadn't heard from you, my moods were erratic. I snapped everyone's head off for no reason. I stood at bus stops, noticing nothing and no one, my body did the things I had to do but I was empty, almost robotic in the way I did things. It was as though the sun had been dragged from within me and darkest winter thrived there now. My smile had disappeared into two grooves either side of my face. My eyes lacked warmth, in fact life.

It was hard to live this way, for I also lived a life away from my computer, though I seemed to have canceled it out. My husband had no idea what was wrong, I heard him telling my daughter that it was probably the change of life and I would soon snap out of it. My son watched from the distance, asking nothing of me, but then that wasn't new. In fact perhaps I had got so used to being invisible, I assumed they hadn't noticed. I stopped visiting friends and other family, how could anyone understand how I felt, unless they lived this double life!

More and more I became used to talking to my new friend,  he said his name was Jack, I remember saying something about Jack the Ripper and we laughed, can you believe we actually laughed about a serial killer! but somehow dark and twisted things became fascinating, they caused that shiver to crawl along my spine, teased me with a dreadful, curiosity. I was gradually becoming in thrall to him. It was quite simply exciting, it highlighted how boring my life really was. It paved over the deep crack in my heart, took me onto a plain that successfully managed to put distance between me and you.

It was just a matter of time before he would want to meet. To take it a step further, he very cleverly made me think it was me that had asked, but it wasn't. I knew I had just been manipulated into meeting, but it was heady and all absorbing. And it was flattering that he wanted to. Sometimes I had felt as though I begged you to meet, only to be constantly refused. It made me feel desired and wanted, made me feel visible and that I existed in his world too. And so we arranged a date and time, then he left me before I could change my mind.

pg 5: It was now the longest time that I hadn't heard from you, my moods were erratic. I snapped everyone's head off for no reason. I stood at bus stops, noticing nothing and no one, my body did the things I had to do but I was empty, almost robotic in the way I did things. It was as though the sun had been dragged from within me and darkest winter thrived there now. My smile had disappeared into two grooves either side of my face. My eyes lacked warmth, in fact life.

It was hard to live this way, for I also lived a life away from my computer, though I seemed to have canceled it out. My husband had no idea what was wrong, I heard him telling my daughter that it was probably the change of life and I would soon snap out of it. My son watched from the distance, asking nothing of me, but then that wasn't new. In fact perhaps I had got so used to being invisible, I assumed they hadn't noticed. I stopped visiting friends and other family, how could anyone understand how I felt, unless they lived this double life!

More and more I became used to talking to my new friend,  he said his name was Jack, I remember saying something about Jack the Ripper and we laughed, can you believe we actually laughed about a serial killer! but somehow dark and twisted things became fascinating, they caused that shiver to crawl along my spine, teased me with a dreadful, curiosity. I was gradually becoming in thrall to him. It was quite simply exciting, it highlighted how boring my life really was. It paved over the deep crack in my heart, took me onto a plain that successfully managed to put distance between me and you.

It was just a matter of time before he would want to meet. To take it a step further, he very cleverly made me think it was me that had asked, but it wasn't. I knew I had just been manipulated into meeting, but it was heady and all absorbing. And it was flattering that he wanted to. Sometimes I had felt as though I begged you to meet, only to be constantly refused. It made me feel desired and wanted, made me feel visible and that I existed in his world too. And so we arranged a date and time, then he left me before I could change my mind.

pg 6: I had spent most of the day away from my computer, doing things, yes those boring chores that I had escaped from once before. Was it only a month or so, since I had taken things into my own hands and surprised you. I remembered it now, as I sat drinking my tea. Each moment playing through my mind, in much the same way a film reel would. I reminisced but what was the use, I had ruined such a special thing, and now I had...

I wondered why you hadn't emailed me, I wondered how you could be so cold and so cruel. I hadn't expected this. You only had to tell me and I would have disappeared from your life, this never ending torment of not knowing drove me crazy. Reluctantly I emailed you. I tried to keep it light and easy, my heart had bled enough.

I waited and so it seemed I would wait for ever, but then Jack appeared. And with his overpowering personality pulled me once again into his world.

The days flew past and before I knew it it was the day of the date. Too late to back out now. I had my orders to wear something wild and exciting, and not to wear jeans. We were to meet at 6.30. I was once again alone, my husband seemed to work away more than he was home lately. The brief thought that maybe he was having an affair flashed through my mind, the worse thing was I didn't care. I had my hair cut and styled into a much younger and trendier style, the new dress I had bought hung on a coat hanger on the wardrobe. I had bought new modern makeup. The transformation of me was all my own doing. I took a final look in the mirror and hardly recognised the woman who looked back at me. But no time to get scared now, the taxi waited outside, time to be gone.

The computer sent me an email alert just as I disconnected. Time seemed to stop and I had an overpowering urge to re-connect, but my phone bleeped a text message, then the taxi reminded me it was waiting and so I pressed shut down. Smiled as I read the message from jack telling me not to be late, and slipped into the taxi. 'Leed's train station please' I told the driver.  Brushing aside any feelings of caution, I moved towards my destiny- the email forgotten.

I wanted to feel you , when had the wanting become a need? Lovesick, that is how I am, my behavior is of a woman lost. I need the part of me that ignites when I feel the heat of your passion. Did you miss me I wonder, though my heart tells me of course you did. The part of me that is supposed to be sensible lets in that little wisp of uncertainty. Did he really?

Fool of course he did, life has to be lived, when your life is split in two, one part has to be in control. But why wasn't it mine I ask? My voice unheard and silent, for to whisper the words would make it real, would mean a decision is needed. Too difficult, Russian roulette, what if I lose? And so the pictures have to suffice, the letters read and reread constantly, until all are placed away. The hurt becomes too much. If I am a woman of two parts how can I survive, how do I manage to smile, when I miss you so, but life is life and I do, a woman of two faces.

I love you, three words, simple words. The highest of all emotions wrapped within the personal. How I miss it when I don't hear it. Familiar as it is, it always has the power to bring forth a rush of heartfelt, even soul-deep emotions. The sentence ends as I pause for thought...

A new day, I am still me, still I wear the two faces but I wear them slightly different. Do I feel a third one emerging? I feel strong. I feel powerful. I am blessed, I realise that I have this love, any kind of love is precious, this is exquisitely so, but this face that I try and hide is my most powerful. It cements me into the woman I will be, into the woman I know that I will become.

On a day that is quiet, I sit and think, I hear you, you love me still and my love for you is still as strong. When did I stop compartmentalising my life? I accept things for what they are now, change will happen and hard as it it is to believe so will our love. Passion still burns, time and absence didn't alter anything. I still desire you, would still give you my heart and my soul, though you have it already. My faces have become merged, I now am one. I truly believe knowing you has given me the strength to do that.

But as strong as I am now, others are less so. And so I find I am once again the woman of two faces.

I believe in love, I believe in its power, its ability to transform all things ordinary into something truly wonderful. Hidden away in dark autumn, cosy and comfortable I was reminded what it is to be loved. Rain fell against my window, wind teased the branches of the tree beyond my window, but summer shone upon me, sunlight reached in and brightened what to me was a remarkably dark day. 

Love you had been slumbering, as time tends to make it do, but you hadn't ever left me, and I had never forgot. The  seasons lost meaning, the birth of each unknown, each day yet another day done. Until a starburst of light fell upon me though daylight lingered still. It left me giddy with feeling, and so very silly with love, lost in all other emotions, yet deeply embarrassed at its show.

My smile spread from side to side of my face, its inner glow teased out with nothing more than a few well chosen words. I have to dampen it down, I feel as though I will burst, heart beating madly, im dizzy with it all. Though I find I am not alone, sadness is spoken of, feelings of anger aimed at, impatience pushed at me. But no I don't care. Yes truly, silently I shout, what do I care!

My smile is real and misplaced, my ears are deaf to everything, my mind is lost to all but thoughts of you. All emotions sabotaged, my usual empathy gone. Bring me your rain, or send me snow, wind chill my bones and catch my breath, no, it pains me not. My feelings pour forth, though I damp them down. So yes it's sentimental, maybe even saccharin sweet. But today love reminded me, and I fell firmly at its feet.

 I couldn't resist putting this onto my space. It has me absolutely tickled, I would one day love to travel to Kenya, but now I especially want to stay at Giraffe Manor. How did a manor house that looks like it should be gracing the lands of England, manage to find its way to Kenya. I just had to share it, as far as unusual hotels go, this is one of the best. I think I would rather wake up to find these guests sticking their heads into my bedroom though, than a lion or two :)

There are more pics at the website http://www.giraffemanor.com/

And I thought my Elle magazine was all about fashion :) This was in Octobers issue.

Here we are alone at last, "show me yourself" I say, I stand and watch you, I wait. Tonight I am strong, no more insecurities. I watch you watching me, you smile and I nearly melt. No I will resist that charm, you are a devil but I am immune, for now.

"Take them off, I do not take anything off, I still wear my coat, my handbag carelessly tossed onto the chair. I run a hand down the front of me, tease the buttons with a finger. This contest is already won, before you remove anything. You breathe, a long deep breath. I watch a flush as it spreads across your face. Do men blush? or is the heat of the moment.

Your jacket is removed, I watch as you take your tie off, it becomes stuck, becomes tighter in your haste to remove it. The bed beckons, it is huge. It is nothing to the passion that's waits to be released. I want to touch you so much, have a desire to open your shirt, to open your trousers and let them fall to the floor.

Your shirt followed the jacket, the expectation as each unopened button revealed, it had me spellbound. My dark lover, your body is tanned, the hairs beg to be stroked, your neck long, your height makes you taller than me, but only just, yet you tower above me. The colour of your eyes seems to change as you strip, you are getting into it now. You are enjoying this.

I feel very warm, I have to take my coat of, but not yet.

You are half naked, I approach you, my hand trembles as it follows the line of your torso and stops at the waistband of your trousers. We are next to the bed, one push and we would be on it. I trace my hand delicately down the side of your face, your eyes are intense, we are both breathing hard now. Your mouth, I want to cover it with mine, but I trace my finger along the top lip, then the bottom. You grasp at my finger with your lips. I laugh gently and pull away. Not yet.

I am loving this, loving teasing you so. You take your trousers off, your movements urgent. Your desire prominent, you hide nothing from me. Before me now you stand, wearing only your shorts, "everything" is all I say. How I keep my hands from you, I do not know. But I do.

Naked now, you are beautiful. Your waist your hips, your legs all perfectly proportioned except for your thighs, they are powerful and here your love of sport shows. They are wonderful and I imagine you astride me, above me, your thighs supporting your body as you...

I am distracted this is bad. You smile, you know the power you have over me. But this is what I am paying for, I take my coat of at last. I am wearing a simple shirt dress, shoes kicked from me as I tell you to lie on the bed. I place the chair so I can see all of you.

Time to remove myself from here, your power is intoxicating, first things first though. I take up my sketch pad, my pencil and begin. An hour later your image is captured for ever on paper. I have done my best, I am no great artist but it will have to do. My first live model, I had promised it would be you, and the payment for your services would be paid to you later.

Darkness claimed me, it seemed as though I had waited for ever for its silky touch. It lifted me, transported me to a place of ecstasy, safety wasn't my need, for now I needed to want. It filled all of my desires.

It wrapped me in tiny lights each one pierced me to the core of my soul. It whispered to me, it teased me until I called for it, until I begged for its breathless promise. I opened myself and my eyes saw what couldn't be seen.

My wish fulfilled, my fantasy made real. Darkness was my friend, my lover, my confidant. To make love to hurt with it all, to feel passion and pain, to pull the deepness within me, it's more than sexual it's love. I felt a slight pull from those whispered thoughts! did you not feel love too?

I waited, body tensed, eyes closed, the touch "please" I heard myself say. My voice silent, my need of you great. Hypnotic, darkness you taunt me. You leave me here on the edge, I feel the sheer drop. If I let go would you catch me?

I was asleep, I had dreamt, I awoke and there you were, my own darkness. My love, my heart, my own. You soothed the tears I had cried for fear of loss. You said "smile for me" how could I not! Arms broad, shoulders wide, I am enfolded and I am safe.

My darkness I call you this, for you obliterate anything and anyone from my mind, from my days. I spend hours, minutes, seconds reading, feeling you. I know you leave, I know you return, but most of all I know you are mine.