Today I felt at peace with myself, my body still bruised from its travels didn't want to do much. So I strolled through the trees, I heard water rushing somewhere in the distance, but my curiosity was dulled today. The trees offered protection but slowly I made my way to the edge of the chasm again. Absent-mindedly I rubbed a sore part of my forearm, my bare feet tickled by the soft grass. The feelings of touch and pain, barely noticed. I padded my way towards the edge.

A breeze softly moved the fabric of my cotton, wrap-around dress, somewhere further back I had lost my sandals, but I didn't care. Today I felt no darkness, a gentle sun brushed my face, my bare skin welcomed it. My dress with the help of a light breeze helped the sun find more secret places to leave its kiss.

I sat down, legs hanging over the edge, leaning forward I gazed into its endless depth. Still amazed that I had traveled down its face. I couldn't see where it began or ended. But today I had no need to seek this. Lost in my thoughts I hadn't heard the man walking behind me. It was the blur of his silhouette that caught the corner of my eye, as he sat at the edge of the chasm too.

Neither of us said anything, we sat and breathed the day in.

He took a bottle of water from his jacket pocket, reached over the short distance and offered me a drink. It all felt surreal, I felt like Alice in the looking glass, or maybe as she fell down the rabbit hole. But there was no mad,march- hare, Just two people, both unthreatening.  I was thirsty, so I accepted his kind offer.

We drank, our thirst fulfilled but now curiosity made me look closer at him. Brown hair, blue eyes, medium build, a nice looking man, with a nice voice. I smiled and thanked him. It seemed that the gap between us closed and we sat beside each other. We didn't talk, and we didn't feel uncomfortable. I had no need of conversation and he seemed to sense this.

Unbelievably we just sat there, until the day began to darken and the sun sent its last glorious colours blasting across the sky. Without saying a word I stood and walked slowly back to the trees. I left him there, a person I didn't know, yet I somehow felt a connection with.

Maybe tomorrow I would come and seek the blue-sky, or maybe seek the depths of that endless chasm. For today its edge had satisfied me.

The darkness of the day entered my soul and made me feel that I was lost. Bleak though my thoughts were, I was determined to change my way of thinking and so I set out to chase those demons of darkness from me.

Sometimes it was as though I lived my life on the edge of a chasm, the bottom unseen and its roof endless shades of blue. If I took one more step would I fall? if I closed my eyes and willed myself, would I rise upwards. Did my dreams live within this seemingly endless chasm?

I would never know, if I didn't become brave. If I were unable to move towards the sliver of light that I glimpsed sometimes- through my shades of darkness, then I would never know, what I had never missed. I am not sure if that was worse, or if the attempt and seeming to fail, was better than the endless hovering I seemed to do.

One step, I blanked the dark and took another step, a ray of light seemed to pull me forwards. I reached out and felt only the softly moving air. My feet halfway to knowing, my brain feeling alert. Stop thinking I whispered to no one in particular. Just go!

My feet left solid ground, my day grew blacker-inky in its solidity. My soul screamed, my heart juddered with the uncertainty of it all. My arms windmilled in the still softly flowing air. I stopped, paused, why was the air still flowing, shouldn't it be rushing? wouldn't it be the safety net trying to pull me back to safety?

I glided, the feeling was sensational, but I wasn't yet brave enough to open my eyes. My soul sang with a lightness that had replaced the demons of moments ago. Shapes brushed against my closed eyelids, forcing me to close them tighter. A small ember of darkness leaching in through a gap, reminding me of the fear of earlier. I heard a laugh, someone was singing, and someone was crying.

The sounds of life continued while my journey dragged me deeper down into the chasm. The only way I knew that I descended was the slight upwards brush of air. My senses began to awaken, I felt the laughter and wanted to join in. I felt the utter heartbreak of someone else. The rush of emotions, of love both emotionally and sexually. I wanted to stay like this forever.

The day seemed to reach towards evening and still I travelled. I tasted, some I drank in, others I spat from my mouth. Bitter and sweet were those tastes. I began to tire, would I reach the bottom? would I smash into a surface hard and cold? why wait I asked of no-one but myself.

I knew my day had begun in the dark and bleakness of thoughts, but now my soul sang. It told me to open my eyes, I must be dreaming I thought. So I sensed that I was in no danger. Safe within a dream. Slowly I opened my eyes.

I felt the shock, then the shudder of its wrench through me. My eyes pulled in all before them. As soon as they opened my feet touched nothing, I fell forward, reaching for something, anything to hold onto. The downward spiral, quickened, speeded up by my own realisation that I was actually falling. My mouth opened but my vocal cords paralysed, no sound could be heard.

I grasped something, my knees grazed and scratched as my hands found purchase with something. Half way down the chasm I hung. Blood dripped from the cuts, pain hadn't registered yet. I heard someone call me. Let go they said. My mind clambered, what are you mad!

No let go, the voice again called me. Sometimes the sensation of evenness is worse than the highs or lows of a blackness within a soul. I questioned my situation, even now as I hovered between this high and low. I wanted an answer, needed something or someone to tell me the footholds, to make me safe.

For the first time I shut out all those voices, I closed my own and those others who maybe would help, but maybe they would also hinder. And so I bled, the droplets feeding something. I shut out its greedy lapping. And opened my eyes. I saw a rockface, its coarseness biting into my soft skin. My feet stood on a ledge that i hadn't even known was there.

For a moment I loosened my grip, the rock felt real, the air felt cool against my skin now.

I looked down, the view was the same, coarse rock, shrubs clung to its face as I did. This time I let go and stepped away, eyes open, alert and aware. I fell with a bump.

The ground beneath me was the same as the one I had stepped from, at the edge of the chasm. I lay there, my breathing heavy, I could remember all of my journey. The sounds and sensations. My soul had quickened, tomorrow I would step off the chasm and see where the sky took me...

The weather must have known I had returned to blogging for it has been winter here yet again , but my days of hibernation are done with for now. I had the most wonderful mother's day present from my family. A gift of a restyle at Toni & Guy's, I had forgotten how a good hair cut can make you feel. I went in to the salon feeling dumpy, frumpy and very dowdy.

Over an hour later I glided from the salon, half my hair lay on the floor, the hair treatment and massage had eased any tension from me- and my hair, well it looked absolutely fabulous.And me, well at least 5 years, no 10 years younger and the only snip and tuck was from the scissors.

Wonderful present, it would have cost, here is were I have to sit down £60. But the treatment (£15) was free, so you could say a bargain lol. I did say half my hair lay on the floor, but it is still about as long as it was, just clever shaping. It hung shiny, and silk like to my shoulder-blades, but layered from a side-fringe down the sides.

This morning saw me waking up with, er, hmm, where has the straight, shiny hair gone? back it was to its mad waves and kinks...

To me the day was worth every penny, so thank you to mine for thinking of this as a present. For a brief moment I was a thoroughly modern Millie lol.

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO ALL MOTHERS OUT THERE. EVEN THE LESS THAN PERFECT ONES :)