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6月18日 this just makes me go awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwJust when you are feeling nothing can make you go all gooey eyed anymore. Just when your mouth droops down in a sorry pout, you see something like this.
And faith in the wonders of the world is again restored.
Baby Tejus: In case I didn't say it enough, heres more-awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Im in awe.
Aint babies just adorable... 6月15日 The heat of the nightHeat, hot and cloying, what had happened to summer? Those warm, hazy, delicious days soon faded fast. To be replaced by these hours that torment me so. For a while I chased happiness, danced at its birth, clutched it with greedy fingers and tasted it with hungry mouth. God, how I need you so! I ache for you- the heat turned to radiation. Dangerous I am truly now possessed. I can't live with you in my life, but to not have you here; impossible to imagine, improbable it just won't be.
No I wont let you go...I watch you with hungry eyes. Wipe my face again, this damned heat! You see me, indicision clouds your face. Yet how is it that you appear so cool? But wait-I smile as I see a slight look of fear flicker within your eyes. I see the question cross your face-would it be rude to hurry away? Would I even notice you, would I know that you had not graced this place. Of course I would...
And still this heat drives me insane.
I block you as you go to leave. You have no way to pass me now. I smile but I hate, I love, I hate-It is all the same. You took my laughter and played me for a fool. You told me how much I meant to you. It was strange that I hadn't noticed the uncomfortable, clammy heat begin to crawl insiduously around me. Was that when summer had begun to spoil? I think so.
I let you pass, I almost feelyour relief. Do I scare ? maybe you should be afraid.
I stand outside your house, my hair is damp, my face sticky. I am wearing very little and I can imagine you in your bed. Walking to your back door I see signs of someone else, lipstick on the glass leaves me with no doubt. White hot anger fills me as I smash the two glasses. The sound seems so loud to me but the crystal shards glinting enthral me.The scent of flowers is sickly sweet, the smell of stale wine disgusts me-I disgust me but I can't escape from my destiny.
The light is off in your bedroom. If I imagine your naked body spooned with another I will lose myself in my anger. Frustrated now, I wipe tears from my eyes, why has love brought me to this? it is not revenge I want, it's not pain I need to feel, I just want to know why? and deep down the primitive part of me just wants you gone for ever.
Soft fur brushes against my legs, rubs and twists around them. I stand there, the heat pounding my temples, I can't think straight. I just want to be beside you. To feel love as it was, to feel it renewed. Heat however unpleasant is bearable with someone to wipe your brow, to curse the temperature with you. To take you in strong and virile arms, arms and body with heat enough to drive a summersnight's madness from you.
The brushing against my legs distracts me again and for a moment I am lost my heat incandescent. I would crush this tiny body, hurt it, make it cry and feel. But then the moon appears and I look down.
It is your cat, I remember how many times I sat cuddling him, how often I looked after him, how I cried when he nearly died. I pick him up and he snuggles into my body. I feel the knife fall from slippy fingers. Silent tears, steam down my face, my pain is born and made real. I sit on the garden chair, he purrs, he reminds me I can love, I do not have to embrace hate.
Dark roiling clouds cross over the bright, high disc of the moon. A crash of thunder, warns me. The cat jumps from me and quickly finds its way in through the cat flap. The clammy heat pervades me, draining me. Fat drops of rain slowly fall, spattering, spluttering darkening the path in angry blotches. With a sigh, I pick the knife up-look at its wicked blade! Would I really have used it?
I don't know, my madness is now abated, replaced with apathy. Wearily I walk away from his house, from him. Rain drenches me but I welcome it. It washes me clean. Cools me.
Home now, I am tormented still. A brief respite from the bone aching heat, my soul has one less blemish but it contains so many that surely one more would not have made a difference. Tonight you are safe, you sleep the sleep of the innocent and happy. Enjoy it I say, for it will not last you long. Soon you will join the names wrote on my soul, and in my heart. But as I shower, the water cold hitting me hard, I realise the heat made me foolish. The cat saved not only him, but me too. Next time I would not forget who I am, and why he must die. But for now, I really must get air-conditioning, a murderess really must not get lost in the heat of summer. For her it must always be the cool of icy winter... 6月13日 Empty spaceWow it has been a long time since I added to my space, guess it truly was a space-as in nothing on it :)
I am still an avon lady, though it has settled into just a few regular customers. Can't say i'm enjoying it, can't say I find it terrible, but I am enjoying spending my commision. Everybody needs a treat now and again.
They say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, which is true. If you are into someone all you see are roses, even if those blooms are not as perfect as your eyes tell you. But sometimes beauty is helped along with a little bit of this, and a touch of that. As in lipstick, powder and paint. The grown up gals paint box. Time to go and play now, and make myself into my very own work of art.
Maybe the hardest thing of all is to see your own beauty with the same eyes as those of your beholder... |
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