She loves me, I know she does, how could she not love me...

He watched her, he shouldn't be here but he couldn't resist the devil on his shoulder. She was with her sister; So I was wrong this time it didn't mean she wasn't lying. The devil whispered doubts until his mind roiled with them. He loved her so much, she loved him too, he knew this but... He couldn't remember when it had turned to niggling doubts, or when it ran into the realms of obsession. No- he told himself, I'm not obsessed. Really all I was doing was checking she was safe.

And so he went home, the hours endless until she came home. He drank to try and swamp the thoughts that tormented his mind. He could see her smile, he could hear her laugh, he could see her face as she climaxed. It was his face to see, his only. No more drink, it drove the rages within him. Things, thoughts and feelings out of proportion. His mind swathed his world in shades of green, then red, and finally stormy, steely grey.

She flinched, her eyes filled with pain, her body hadn't felt it yet. It would, but the look in her eyes told him everything. Why did she flinch? why walk away from him-if she wasn't lying. His insecurities drove him, tore rationality from him. He loved her more than his own life, more than hers. She had stopped shouting back at him. His opinions hers, couldn't she see how much he loved her!

Today he came home early, too scared to face him she had her bags packed. The phone in her hand, the number half entered. His mind broke, his rage was all. The phone fell from her nerveless fingers, she tried to run, he caught her. That body he cherished, she hadn't the nerve to say- I'm leaving you. Too many times she had tried to talk, but his shades of green even coloured hers.

He held her tight.It wasn't his hands around her neck, not his fingers squeezing. Her strength no match for his, her terror draining her, her life slipping from her. Until finally she was his.

His arms held her, he whispered that he was sorry. But now everything would be alright, he kissed her, moved her hair from her face, tenderly his fingers traced the marks on her neck. Now you see how much I love you. The devil on his shoulder had finally claimed its place, it stretched, it felt snug within him, almost at home, so this is what love is... 

Its been a while since I added my books category. I am still devouring books but some catch my attention more than others.

I loved The Boleyn Inheritance, even more than Other Boleyn Girl. This gripped me so much I couldn't put it down, though I know the history of Henry V111 and how he treated his wives, it was still compelling reading. The Boleyn Inheritance concentrated on Anne of Cleves, Katherine Howard & Jane Boleyn (Anne boleyn's sister in law). It was terrifying, like being on a roller coaster you couldn't get off. Who needs horror books, history is full of it. Despotism, and absolutely no rose tinted glasses where the king and his court was concerned.

Extinction was an entirely different kind of read. Very topical at the moment with all these eco worries. An end of the world, through climate changes story. An easy read inspite of learning a lot about geology too. Scary reading it when the rain was lashing against my window and the news is full of floods.

Blood Data was great, anything to do with computers and i'm there. Well nearly anything. But this book just took me from page to page, in a never ending rush to read what happened next. It made me think of big brother-watching us, and how everything about us can be found out from our details stored on computers. The theme- is our behaviour genetically inherent? and the outcome of genetic testing is fascinating. Well to me it is :)

They'd known each other for a long time, they loved that they had the perfect friendship. Comfortable in each others company, she lay on the sofa watching tv, while he lay on the floor. It reminded him of when he was younger, but then he had never had a female lying nearly naked just feet away from him.

She drank the wine, it tasted too strong for her, but in her pretence of being sophisticated she tried not to show it. Soon the cosy glow of firelight and the wine brought roses to her cheeks. Though her concentration remained on the movie playing out before her.

She wore a low waisted skirt made of something light and chiffony. In a gorgeous greeny- blue colour. It appeared to melt into her skin, the top didn't quite cover her tummy and for the first time he saw the flash of ruby red. Mistaken- he thought the wine had flowed into his eyes and in case she caught him staring he turned back to the tv screen. But that flash of red kept filling his mind. She was now absorbed in the film, her attention far away in the land of dreams that the film portrayed.

He couldn't help it, he turned back, one leg nearly touched the floor, he followed its length and couldn't believe it, his eyes were not deceiving him. She did have a ruby in her belly buttton. He couldn't remember her telling him that she had it pierced. His mind now raced, forgotten was the film, all he could think of was that soft, naked skin and that decadent glow of a gem.

He looked up at her, her eyes caught his. For a moment they both just stared at each other.

He moved closer, she drank deeply then offered her glass to him. He took it, drunk from it then put it on the floor.

She sighed and went to say something just as he said, "I was looking at the ruby in your tummy" he wanted so much to reach to it. But she was shy and he didn't want to startle her. He feared losing her as a friend, but hormones kept him on the path he was choosing, and the look in her eyes.

"That you are so shy is what makes it amazing." The words drifted between them. She didn't know what to say. But her silence wasn't awkward.

"That you can be so bold yet so shy..." He was at a loss for what to say. She reached down and took the ruby from her tummy. "it's stuck on, not a piercing, had you forgotten I was on my way to my belly dance class when you kidnapped me" she said as she smiled at him. Her breath caught as he took it. It was plastic but had seemed so real, now he looked at the drop of red on his palm, and then back at the rounded softness of her tummy.

The moment had passed, shutters came back down, they had both taken a step towards each other, only to pull back.

He said "shove up, let me in." She laughed as he landed beside her on the sofa, slightly drunk from the feelings and the alcohol. They resumed their former roles, she pulled her tshirt further down. Settling in bedside him, they continued to watch the movie. She didn't notice that he had put the ruby into his pocket. Later he would dream of her stretched nearly naked, her skirt almost transparent in the soft light. The white of her skin against the decadent sight of that perfect red ruby.

I wanted red roses in a crystal-cut glass vase. I wanted a diamond ring to cement our love. I wanted a fourposter bed and a crisp English morning. My dreams were woven with such precise dimensions. To live, to love, to be worshipped and to worship in return. Signs of love, nuances of romance, perfect timing and more. But life has a strange way of changing things. Playing with set patterns or wishes and making a patchwork of its own design.

Here I am alone beside an endless sea, beneath a glorious blue sky. Shale and sand crunch beneath my feet. I remove my shoes, I want to feel the shale crushing against my soft skin, slicing and precise. To watch myself bleed. Hatless beneath a searing sun I walk. Hopeless in my challenge to forget, I want to forget I shout, a sea-breeze lifts my voice and carries it far out to sea. But the pain still remains. My mind is filled with you. I see the replay over and over again; your face as I turned from you and I heard you ask why?

The throbbing of my head and the scorched heat of my skin, reminded me I had stayed too long in the sun. Even physical pain didn't work so I turned for Home. I roll the word on my lips, but know I am rootless. Home lost its meaning when I walked away from you. Expectations- my own were too high for anyone to reach. Yours... I stop as I realise I never asked you.

I head back to the villa. Small and secluded, it is simple but it suits my needs for now.

The white walls beckon me, comforting. I had a need to press my sun scorched face against their coolness. Sunlight captured my sight,I shaded my eyes. A figure rested against the wall, unrecognisable. I walked blind, impossible I thought. Mumbling now like a mad woman, stupid heart! you leap at any imagined hope.

I turn away for a moment and you are gone. Imagination playing tricks I think, hope spinning my need into my dreams made real. Home now, however temporary it is mine. A simple clay jug against white coloured walls. Impressions of a hot summers day, to be seared in my mind for ever. Pink roses their blooms open, bowed down to kiss the ledge. I didn't put them there. I hated roses now.

You sat on the doorstep, a single pink rose in your hands. Half its petals lay scattered at your feet, you plucked another as I sat beside you. "she loves me, she loves me not" you dropped the empty stem. Its petals now lay like tears at your feet. I picked them up, held them cupped in my hand, "You came" was all I could think of to say.

So many times I had practiced how this moment would be. Now all I could think of was trying to put the petals back on the rose. She loves me in reverse!

"I couldn't find red roses, or a crystal vase, or a diamond ring" I've lost my job, taking off  like this and I now have no home, or family" I could hear the sadness in your voice. "And I borrowed these roses from the villa down the road." You looked at me, your eyes intense, your expression lost.

"Why?"

You didn't understand then, and you don't now I thought as I looked at the roses. Half in the vase, half at your feet. It was a small gesture I needed. A simple sign that I counted, that I mattered. I needed to know that I was more than a sexual need. More than a fleeting affair. You piled the petals in my lap, you pulled the rest from the jug, You held your hand to my face and I saw the absence of the usual gold-band. Mine too was gone.

"You took some finding, no one would tell me" I shushed you, I sighed. All this because I had seen you order red roses for your wife.I dropped the petals, they fell bruised at my feet. I sat beside you and said "well you had better kiss me then"

Men and women, so different, if only we could hear what we each had to say...